Part 2 Husband shocked; wife of 40 years has a secret sugar baby for years
Hello everyone, please don’t forget to like and subscribe, please support the channel on Patreon for exclusive access to content before everyone else, the link to my Patreon is on the description below. Today we have a Cheaters and Simps story with some reader comments. without further ado, let’s get into it.
Update: I Found out that her relationship with her ex-boyfriend started around 2015, The three of us are from a small town, Venice, located roughly between Nice and Cannes. She told me all along that she was taking care of her elderly mother because her sister wasn’t doing enough, so she says. He was, as I said earlier, her first boyfriend. In March of 2015, her sister ran into him in a pharmacy and told him that my wife was in town. He gave the sister his phone number who in turn gave it to my wife. She reached out to him. up until then, they had not seen or talked to each other for 37 years. They talked and went out for dinner and… voila.
The South of France is a great area, but I like Southern California better. We have been here since 1997, We have a great house with ocean view, and I can play golf all year for very little money. Can’t do that in France. so, after I kicked her out of the house, she is now living with my son and no, she has not offered to move back with me. She also has not apologized for the pain she caused. I think she sees herself as Francesca/Meryl Streep in Bridges of Madison County and acted on her impulse. Sort of last hurrah. We went to see an attorney moderator yesterday. Very depressing.
My wife and I worked hard, especially her; she would have no financial problems living there. She owns a condo free of debts.
I couldn’t get much of the confession out of her, and she told me little in terms of the timeline, only because I had most of the missing pieces already, with the dropbox picture, plane ticket and credit card statements. Concerning the young Algerian immigrant, she refuses to disclose under what circumstances they met. from the evidence that i recovered, it appears that they had a sugar mama, sugar baby relationship, purely sexual, she thinks he is in love with her, but I can tell that he is just using her as a warm-hole, and ATM machine, not just her money, my money as well. she said they met around October 23rd, 2019. I know their affair became hot probably in late October made evidence by the dropbox uploads. I’d also like to know if some situation that came back to me from memory the last several months were accidental or planned.
I told you about the trip to Martinique of last New Year’s Eve. Before that trip we were (3 of us) in Ireland and on day as we were visiting the Causeway of Giants, I stayed behind with our friend who had trouble walking and wayward wife hiked ahead on the trail. Way way ahead. I could see her red jacket up the cliff several hundred meters up and ahead of us. At the time I thought it was because she enjoyed hiking so much and couldn’t stay with us progressing at our snail pace. But now I think she was only attempting to get 15-20 minutes advance time to use her phone undisturbed. Same scenario 3 days later on the beach at Strand hill. Finally, in early January, she told me that she was going to stay in France from October to December 20 at her sister’s demand. I was surprised at the length of time; she had never stayed that long, but she repeatedly said her sister was insisting that she stayed that much time. Very strange. She probably planned it herself and lied to me about her sister asking for it. Then the pandemic struck, and she lucked out because suddenly she couldn’t come back any more with great legitimate excuses, I wouldn’t see her till May. During those times I occupied myself by playing gulf and hanging out with friends because I was retired. It has now come to light that during to time when she was using her sick mother as excuse, she was on a whirlwind romance with the young immigrant, and `making all the excuse to extend her stay with him.
I ask her if she was having sex with both the doctor and the immigrant at the same time and she said she was mostly being intimate with the immigrant when since she met him. She has not said she loved him, but she said, “he is very interesting” but at this point what is the difference. She gave me the proverbial “I love you, but I am not in love with you,” she said she doesn’t want a divorce at this age, that I am free to have an affair if I want, apparently, she has been having an affair since 2015 and didn’t send me the memo, all this time she has been traveling and having an affair, and she saw our marriage as an accessory, just like one of her handbag collections.
There was nothing wrong in our marriage that I could remember, even when our sex life slow down, I thought it was because of my cancer. We very seldom argue, we never called each other names. I was unaware of any problems.
Reader comment: Unless it’s to your advantage then there is no “her condo” and “her company”. It’s marital assets and how to divide them. You mention being fair and I am totally 100% in favor of fair; if you were married in California and have been living there most of your married life then it’s marital property.
I doubt you have much use for half a condo in France, but the value of the condo might offset whatever right she might have to your 401k or Roth IRA or even your custom-made golf clubs.
Update: I raised the point yesterday and the attorney emphatically said that because it was a gift from her mother, I have zero rights to it. She also has zero rights to the inheritance money that I put in our living trust when my mother passed away in 2016. On the other hand, I receive a pension from the city, and she will get 50% of that. Her business was doing very well but was decimated. I could claim 50% of her 50% (she has a business partner) but right now that 25% is next to zero. Business was in the travel industry
The latest development occurred last night. She received a telephone call from the person taking care of her mother in her absence. Her sister, her sister’s husband and her mother have all tested positive for Covid. I don’t know how this will impact our divorce.
My pension is a Los Angeles City pension and the 50% is defined by something called the Brown act. The percentage allocated to each spouse in case of a divorce is determined by a formula but in my case because we were married years before I started in my career, and I retired while we were still married, she will get 50%. Nonnegotiable.
The value of her business right now is zero. She wants to keep working and build it back up and sell it to her business partner.
I will consider hiring an attorney privately.
She kept saying that she did not want to live “like before” and she also said that yes, she enjoys her life in France, she might as well have said she enjoy having multiple sex partners while being married on paper. She said she did not want to rush into a messy divorce and thought she could live here as usual knowing that she was banging a younger man and her ex-boyfriend on the wing. No deal.
I called the pension dept and the lady was adamant: 50%.
And the last lie is…
Yesterday she had a meeting with her business partner. When she came back, I asked her how the meeting went, and she said that they have enough money to last another 6 months with no pay for the both of us. They have done that in the past (9/11 and 2008 crisis) to save the business. She then added that she is going to work hard again to rebuild the agency if the economy picks up again in 2021 and then she would sell her share to her business partner and would give me half. So, I asked her if her business partner was ok with that, and she said yes.
Well, this morning while on bike I had my doubts, after all she has been lying for 6 years, and I called her business partner. He said that they never talked about a buy out and that at 73 he certainly wasn’t interested in buying her 50%.
Our finances are simple. Each 2 IRAs, hers total $130,000 more than mine. 1 living trust with 3 mutual funds and our house. 1 checking/savings account. No debts.
Our furniture was mostly bought at IKEA and the art on the walls come from my parents. Some originals. No jewelry of any value.
I drive a 2017 Ford Mustang and she has a 1998 Toyota Rav4. She was leasing a MZ prior going to France and wisely did not renew the lease last January.
If she applies for Social Security now, she will get $2340/month. If she waits until she turns 70, $3440 (I think). My city pension gross is $7000/month.
The attorney told us that the Social Security monthly payments are untouchable and that she will also get 50% of my pension. Total for her $5840, for me $3500 but…and this where I almost passed out, the attorney said that she wouldn’t have to compensate me (my wife would have agreed) because I would be living rent free in her half of the house.
We went in there agreeing that we both should come out even.
We want to keep the house as much as we can and maybe leave it to our son to use it. Our son is 29 going on 17 unfortunately.
After meeting with attorney mediator, we decided to split everything in the middle except the house which I will occupy and maintain. Property taxes will be shared equally.
My pension? She agreed to take only 30% to make both our revenues (incomes…): equal. If that is possible and legal. The attorney said by not paying rent to her half would compensate for the 50% she would get from my pension. Even Wayward wife thought that was stupid. We want to get out of this mess with as little acrimony and resentment as possible with a fair $$ solution.
What do you guys think?
I never was a businessman, but I saw her, and her business partner build this company from scratch to what it was last year, a very profitable wholesaler employing 14 people. Not too shabby in this industry. However, this company was doing well because my Wayward wife was super good at selling expensive to rich clients. Extremely good. No one came even close to her numbers. Without her this outfit has no assets. Nothing to show for. Her business partner told me that he is not interested in buying her out. Yes, he can change his mind comes next year but he will be then 74 and I don’t think he will. I don’t think they can sale the company name for a good chunk of money. I have nothing to lose by sitting on 25% but If she is willing to give me some cash for it. I’ll take the money.
The IRAs are in her favor to about $130,000 so she will give me half, $65,000 to even them out. No problem there. They are even with same mutual funds.
The house? That’s the problem. It’s in a trust that we co own. We have to find an agreement in case one wants to sell. She raised the point. I had no answer and still don’t. Maybe the lawyer does. It’s probably not that uncommon.
She is not filing any tax document in France. In fact, she had her last paycheck in July here. We will be filing together for the year 2020. I have no plan of returning to France. I sent a text to the attorney with a question about my pension. No answer yet. The rest is agreed upon and pretty simple to cut in half.
She is leaving today and will be back in March. We will schedule additional meetings with the attorney. In the meantime, I started on the paperwork. We have one son, 29. He lives next door and doesn’t judge his mother. He is not very outgoing, and we always had difficulties communicating. He offered to listen and said that I could count on him for anything. I can’t tell what he really thinks. I didn’t ask him to take sides. But he was aware of the whole thing after I through her stuff out of the house. I’m not going to do anything against the doctor ex or the younger man. Nothing.
I was pissed and thought, and still think, the doctor had no ethics, no moral being a mental care physician and knowing that he was participating in the breakup of a long-lasting marriage. But I get it, legally I’ve got nothing. Forget it.
The company is only worth whatever they are going to salvage in the spring. No one except her business partner is going to buy her shares if she is not staying. She is the driving force, the major asset of this company. There are no other assets but the knowledge, the experience and the enthusiasm of the people answering the phones. And she is by far, by a couple of millions better than the next salesperson. Her business partner said last week that he is not interested in buying her out. If I can finalize a deal everything split evenly and 30% of my pension, I’ll take it.
Update: She went back to France. Her mother, 89, tested Covid positive and is not doing very well. She is at home. Wayward Wife sent me a text acknowledging that she won’t claim more than 30% of my pension. We are set to start Divorce paperwork with attorney mediator when she, comes back March 16.
No more « pick me dance ». On the way to LAX the other day, I asked her what she was thinking when she said that she didn’t want a divorce.
Reader comment: I think I know the answer: She wanted more of the proverbial cake and entertained the ridiculous idea that you would just roll over and allow it, again so much for loyalty after almost 4 decades.
Reader comment: Is she doing anything about her company until March?
Can she manage it / work from France?
Do you have the annual report from 2019 and 2020? Was there any debt?
Look – I would be really surprised if they can simply lock the doors and stop business on a company that hired 14 people. There is a winding-down period or even more likely a sale – even if it’s below market-value.
I think it’s to your advantage to keep thing calm until March. I really think time is on your side on this issue.
Update: I agree. I’m not going to rock any boat until she’s really committed to the 30% pension limit.
The business is down to 4-5 employees. The others, including our son, were laid off. They are doing zero business right now. Last year they grossed in excess of $7M. Probably in the $6M range in 2018. She got huge bonuses in the form of 401k plans which she rolled over into her IRAs. That’s why hers are bigger than mine. But so far, she doesn’t realize that we will make them even. Even the attorney agreed. So, in fact I’m getting $65K from her work.
I’m in it for 25%, half of her half but I have no illusions. If her business partner doesn’t buy her out and he said last week that he had no intention to, my 25% are worth zilch.
She agreed to not claim more than 30% of my pension. We also agree to equally divide the rest of our assets including the house. But…I want to include a clause that in the event she remarries the young guy or her ex she forfeits the 30%. I just don’t want to pay for her future husband incidentals. That sounds reasonable to me.
Well, she does not answer directly telling me that she will never remarry, the idea of remarrying is laughable, there is no need for a remarriage etc…
So, the question is. Is such a clause automatic and implicit in a divorce settlement or do I really need of having it included?
1 hour ago, she called for something related to the house, and I asked her again and after saying for the umpteenth time, that it is very unlikely that she will remarry she finally acknowledged that there was a remote possibility and she seemed to understand my position and she said ” sure, I’ll sign on that”.
I’ll draft a general plan this week and forward it to the mediator attorney. I’m still going to consult with a private attorney on my own, but I think that what we agreed on is the best I can get.
Until March I’m (hopefully) dormant.
The affair is in the open and she doesn’t deny any of it. She just doesn’t want to get in the timeline or details, but she doesn’t deny the lies and ensuing deception and the obsession for making tapes. The full 6 years of them. We both had good careers and we did well with our money. She was extremely hard working and many years her salary and bonuses dwarfed mine.
She was the best wife I could have ever dreamed of and without her support and love I’d be either a nobody, a bum or dead. Probably dead. Then she flipped.
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