Part 3 Husband shocked; wife of 40 years has a secret sugar baby for years
Hello everyone, please don’t forget to like and subscribe, please support the channel on Patreon for exclusive access to content before everyone else, the link to my Patreon is on the description below. Today we have a Cheaters and Simps story with some reader comments. without further ado, let’s get into it.
After checking with my employer pension dept., it turns out that the % of pension she will be allocated will be her property forever. So, if she marries any of her affair partners, she still keeps her %. And I’ll be in the position to partly fund their lifestyle. Doesn’t matter that her ex-boyfriend is a neuropsychiatrist who probably makes 10 times what my pension is or that her younger boy toy is living off of her. I don’t understand why I should run from any attorney who would advise me to agree for her to less than 50%. I cannot lose more than 50% as it is so why not have her sign on 30%? If she changes her mind later on, I still would not have lost anything more than what I would have in the first place.
I have a zoom meeting next Friday with an attorney specializing in my line of work and with people who experienced the same difficulties.
Why am I divorcing?
Because I want to start a new chapter as painful as it is right now and I’m guessing that no lady with half a brain would ever be interested in a long-term relationship with a “separated” man. I’m 64 and maybe there’s still someone out there who would be ok to share the next 10-15 years.
Did she stash any money away? No, I saw the paychecks and the deposits and the W2s and I paid the taxes on April 15. I also transferred her 401k to her IRA in July when they are rethinking of closing the company. She didn’t stash any money away. Her affair is strictly a primal sex and romance. She lied to me, she deceived me, but we don’t have any money argument. We never had.
Besides all this is irrelevant because I’m still part owner of her 50% and I’m not giving up on that 25%.
In California there might be a law that mandates that she will get 50% as spouses of pensioner like me. I don’t know for sure. She is at this point willing to sign for 30%. Maybe she can’t accept less than 50%. She can’t get more. I will not get less than 50%, I might end up with 70%. I will know next Friday.
The attorney I will consult is specializing in family law and divorces for people who were in the same line of work as I was.
The rest of our assets will be divided equally.
Update: She is 61. She is no longer getting along with her business partner who is 73. They only have enough money to go until June. That could change with the economic stimulus package. Anyway, she said, that too could change, that she only wants to rebuild the company or attempt to rebuild it until her business partner and his husband (they’re homosexuals) buy her out. However, her business partner told me a month ago that he has no intention of buying her shares. In any case travel wholesalers do not sell for millions. I’ve said it and I’m saying it again they are only worth for the people who are answering the phones and responding to emails. I’ve seen the numbers. She is the engine, the motor, the heart of this business. Without her the company has about as much chance as me driving the green on a par 4.
I’m hurting really bad, but even though I’m still angry I feel that I’m doing better than last month and the month before. I’ve been sobber since Jan 01 and I don’t miss it. A bottle of Jameson, a six pack and 3-4 bottles of wine would last me 4 days when I first posted on here. So, I’m happy about that.
I will not rush into anything, but I don’t see any obstacle to a fair settlement except for the pension.
I will not go yell at dark on the beach, even though the beach is very close, but I talk aloud in my car and tell her what I really think of her and her « loving » messages she sent me all last year while she was banging her affair partner. She had the effing balls of writing under our wedding photo (39th anniversary) that I posted on FB …. It’s been quite a ride. Happy anniversary. I love you…while she has been banging her ex-boyfriend for 6 years and making dirty videos with her young lover.
That I will never forget and never forgive.
I liquidated our living trust as fairly as we wanted. She keeps her IRAs of course and I keep mine. The difference ($130K) was compensated when we split the trust.
My attorney sent me the petition to sign. No problem with the pension split 70-30. We will serve her attorney because she is still in France.
I started packing and emptying the house. No fun at all. I’m moving to Las Vegas area. She is supposed to come March 16. Maybe by then I’ll be gone. Just kidding.
She still hasn’t apologized for the pain she caused and has expressed no regrets. For a while in December and early January I was asking her questions and explanations. She ignored all of them. There are moments when I still can’t believe the whole thing, the affair and the lies for almost 6 years. Not her. She never would do that. She never would lie to me. But she did. I’m still very sad and I haven’t gotten over it.
Regarding the house and her business.
When she first acknowledged the affair, back on Nov 03, my immediate reaction was to sell the house. Then I changed my mind and wanted to keep it for as long as I could have. Then I realized that it would be next to impossible to move on while still living in this house where we spent the last and very happy (at least for me) 23 years. So, we’re selling it. She said, “do whatever you think is good for you”.
I possible to quantify today. Next to nothing. The attorney on the petition indicated TBD…to be determined. I’m not counting on anything coming from its sale. It’s OK, I won’t need it.
We have zero debts. We are also in our 60s.
She has convinced herself that hers was a beautiful love story and not a sordid unfaithful affair despite the fact that she lied to me for almost 6 years. I can feel it. This is not to say that I would accept it. But it hurts. It hurts terribly looking back at old photos and thinking at all the places where we have been and being in the travel industry for the last 25 years, you better believe we have been to lots of places. Still there were so many more to discover together. I often told her during our 40 some years together that if one day I don’t make her laugh any longer she should dump me. Well, I didn’t realize the soundtrack has stopped.
Am I over her? No, of course not. Do I want her back? No, I don’t. She has become a regular liar even for trivial inconsequential little things. She lies for no apparent reason. I guess she got the practice lying for something as heavy as an affair for 6 years.
she walked in the house we shared for 22 years last night and barely noticed that all the frames, photos, books, plants and 2 sofas were gone. She seemed so detached of things and memories attached to them it’s almost scary. Do those things mean anything to her? Does she remember that we made love on those sofas? Does she recall that we had tons of laughs with friends and family around that table? I’m not so sure she does or worse cares.
The petition indicated that the value of her business was TBD. To Be Determined. 50% each of her 50%. Which right now is worth zero. They, she and her business partner, are hoping on a loan/gift from the SBA to tie them up until the fall.
Also, for the first time ever she said that she was tired of working, tired of fighting for customers, tired of her business partner etc…
I had a very good rapport with my mother-in-law. We got along very nicely all these years. We played tennis together, we ran 10 ks, we sang, we laughed, we talked politics etc. we usually had a very good time. She is now almost 90 and declining mentally very quickly. She cannot read anymore cannot watch TV more than a few minutes at a time and her general health is not good. She does not know that her daughter and I are divorcing. She has lost the sense of time and she thinks I was in France for Xmas. I haven’t been there in 5 years.
I was not in the medical field, but I saw dozens of dead bodies in my line of work. For me a dead body is just a mass of tissues and bones. I don’t believe there is a soul a heaven and a hell. Nothing but organic stuff that will decompose over time. With some exceptions, I know. You can do whatever you want with my body once I’m dead. Just make sure I’m really dead please.
My next life will start beginning of May when I move out and leave all the trauma and pain of the last 4 months behind me.
Having said that I can’t help noticing that she is acting since Monday like she’s done nothing wrong, and I’m pretty sure that she goes around telling people that she just found happiness, and that was nothing she could have done to spare us this situation.
If the roles had been reversed me being the cheating lying wayward husband, I’d be the last of the POS.
She went back 2 weeks ago. The evening before we had one last drink in our house, and I asked her those 4 questions. I was cool, kept my voice down and warned her that these were not intrusive, indiscreet inquiries. Not surprisingly she denied all of them. No, she did not hike ahead to use her phone, no she did not disappear 2 days later at Strand hill to use her phone again, not the trip to Martinique was not planned but a spur of the moment and yes it was at her sister’s insistence that she scheduled her trip to France for 2 and half months. I told her that I believed her, but I don’t or rather I don’t really know. I know now that she can lie with a straight face which I didn’t know before D Day.
She gave me the « it just happened » bs and I told her that it was just that, bs. You made it happened, you wanted it to happen, it was your decision.
The divorce should be finalized soon. And I’m moving to Las Vegas in 2 weeks in a beautifully renovated nice house in a great neighborhood.
So why am I feeling shitty?
The Divorce is not yet final. In California the minimum Divorce time is 6 months and we’ve been officially separated on Feb 25.
I moved in my new little house 2 weeks ago and my first time on the golf course I connected with 2 nice guys who invited me back twice. One of them is married to a French lady and he seems to enjoy speaking French with me. He is 90% fluent in addition of being funny and decent player.
I’m enjoying the warm and not too hot weather. That won’t last, I know.
I had several contacts with her regarding our house in LA that’s being leased and other administrative boring stuff. Nothing else.
I am very much missing the complicity that we had before while exchanging jokes, anecdotes, stories…I am sad when I think that that part of my life is gone forever.
The Divorce is proceeding slowly. My lawyer sent me the dissolution stipulation last week for my review. Everything is pretty simple.
I still communicate with her albeit sporadically. Administrative and business stuff. She refused to give me an explanation when we were faced to face back in March, so she sure not gives me one now. I noticed that she has adopted a new way of dealing with tough questions. She simply ignores them. When a text message seems to annoy her, she puts it aside and ignores it. She hates confrontations and will always take the easy way out. She does the same in dealing with her sister. Strange for a businessperson.
We should be done within 3 months.
I’m still very sad, very angry and also very lonely. I still can’t quite comprehend how she lied to me for over 6 years. Lied and played me along with loving messages while she was having an affair with multiple men. We were separated by Covid, and it was impossible to travel but their thing started 4 months before and she was already lying and lying.
Something almost funny.
We kept a bank joint account for different reasons with the understanding that we could both draw on that account for regular expenses. If one of us has to use the account for unexpected or large expense he/she has to tell the other. It has worked. But she must feel so guilty that she can’t spend on her affair partner knowing that i would see it.
Update: My Soon to be ex-wife now lives mostly in France taking care of her mother during the day and of her Affair partner in the evening. She flew in yesterday to meet with her business partner and to see our son. I told her back in early February that I was looking at houses in Las Vegas. She learned probably through our son that I had bought one then she said she wanted to see it. I was debating whether that was a good idea. You guys convinced me it wasn’t, so I cancelled the SUV from Enterprise earlier. She doesn’t stay with me but in the next-door condo which belongs to her mother and where our son lives. The mother went back to France when her health declined.
As of now I’m not even sure she still seeing the Algerian affair partner. Probably.
She came home last night as was planned. Before her flight she begged me to pick her up from the airport, I didn’t want to, but I could tell by her voice that she wasn’t feeling well, or she was upset about something. I should have said no, but I am still maintaining a cordial relationship with her. I went to pick her up at LAX. I could see by the look on her face that she looks terrible. I thought maybe something was wrong with her mother, but I didn’t care to ask. We were not out of the parking lot when she already dropped the bomb, the Algerian young affair partner has dumped her. I didn’t noticeably react to her announcement, I don’t even know why she told me that, maybe she needs a shoulder to cry on, or she need someone to console her, or maybe she wasn’t paying him enough now that her business has bellied up. Regardless, I didn’t react to the news. She followed up by saying that her doctor ex-boyfriend invited her to go hiking with her when next she visits France. I know her well enough to figure what she was trying to do. the blur of her whirlwind affair with young Algerian has been broken, she has come to realized that the dream is over, now she is tossing the bait at me trying to lur me back in the relationship, using to the ski trip with the doctor to get me jealous. She ask me if she could come and see my house in Vegas, but I lied to her that it wasn’t ready yet, I can’t tell her to pound sand without risking her to renege on her words.
As I said before I’m not going to make any waves till the ink is dry. That should take 6 months.
In California that’s the minimum. Why? Because she can get 20% more of my pension if she gets pissed at me. She is ENTITLED to 50% but agreed to 30% against her attorney advice. That’s about $1500/month for life. A lot of money for my budget.
We both lawyered up and the esquires are doing their things. Petition was set up and is in the process of being confirmed.
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